We're All Gonna Die!

...or at least, that's what I think will happen. My life is forfeit. The being's life I was with is forfeit. Everyone on this stinking orange piece of ugly... We're doomed!

I can't talk about what happened. While I didn't exactly say anything like "I swear" or "I promise," this isn't the kind of thing you just blab around if you're involved. Anyone can read this. So, most of my nightly journal is going to be about yesternight.

Yesternight! Ah, to break in a new spirit... I'll stop being dramatic now and just tell you what happened. I met Jacob and Hannah yesternight, they're friends of Mordecai's. Well, brother and then friend-slash-former crush type deal. As crush-y as the Amish ever get, I guess. It was so sweet how... innocent.... they both were.

Jacob had a little problem that I was able to help with, as an exchange of services with Mordecai. Since he is helping me find Master Mark, and putting word out with the Nosferatu network about him, I couldn't be in his debt. I used helping Jacob into manhood as a way to balance our scales. As of recent events, the scales are unbalanced again, but I don't mind this way.

How did I help Jacob? I fucked him, quite frankly. It was terrible, he was all fumbling Amish innocence and while I tried to get some satisfaction... well, he was untrained in the ways of pleasing a woman, especially with my unique needs. Fortunately, Mordecai has a Japanese knot master coming in soon, so I shall avail myself of their skill.

Oh, I just want to get back to my clay and ceramic.... Sculpting always makes me feel better. There's an art show coming up at the local campus that I want to go to anyways, and I want to get home in time for that. I can't wait to see if there's any new talent around... I've been so bored with the recent gallery shows in the area. Nothing is exciting or innovative. I can't wait to see what's on show.

Speaking of Master Mark.... I'm not sure what I feel about him anymore. There's the love, and loyalty, but the unwavering knowledge that he has my best interest in mind is kind of... missing. How could he be doing this to me, if he is still out there? The only witness to the 'accident' - and I refuse to call it a proper accident, I don't believe anything was accidental about that crash - was mysteriously reduced to a husk. Is he still existing? Why hasn't he contacted me? Our relationship, twenty years long, was built on trust. I trusted him to have my best interests at heart, and he trusted that I would obey him in exchange for that care and protection. I'm not getting those two things right now.

I can't believe what I just wrote.

I miss Master Mark.... Everything was easier when it was just the sound of his voice and the sting of the riding crop, the strain of the knots and cords against my skin.... Now I'm actually questioning my submission to him. But, if he's not here.... I don't have anyone.

.........................

I'll just say this, not knowing who is reading this and if he's still out there. I don't know how much longer I can wear the collar of someone who is not in my life anymore. I want him to take it off, but if it's much longer.... I know my way around a jewelry clasp too.

Alright, I have to put away the phone. Yes, I'm blogging on my phone. Don't ask me why I don't have my computer, I'm in another state right now. Wait, make that another another state, just crossed a border. I might take a nap just to get away from the orange monstrosity.....